On Tuesday, March 12, a stunning news story made headlines in America. Federal prosecutors implicated 50 people who were involved in a scandal to allow parents to pay significant amounts of money-- the total amount over $6 million--to lie, cheat, and bribe their sons and daughters into prestigious universities. The news cycle has latched onto this story digging deeper into the facts of how this scheme worked, providing readers with an ugly picture of how the wealthy bypassed the grueling college application process to launch their children onto the path to success.
While this story disgusts me, sadly, I am not shocked by it. The pressure to attend the "right" college has intensified because of widening gap between the rich and the poor. The wealthy secure wealth and success of the next generation, while the less fortunate are left to fend for themselves and remain cemented in their challenged economic circumstances. And then there's the majority of students from the middle class who are fighting for a chance to climb the economic ladder but end up crippled by student loan debt. In order to get a leg up and end up in the "have's" group, parents and teens have become obsessed with the notion that getting into the "right" college will guarantee financial security and success.
The "Right" College vs. The Right College for Your Child
In reality, the idea of getting into the "right" college is an illusion. If college is the right choice for your child, then the "right" college is the one that offers your child what he or she needs most. Whether those needs are smaller class sizes, project based learning, employment opportunities, or diverse learning opportunities, that is what makes the "right" college for your child. Fit is far more important than the selectivity of a particular college.
Some of you will argue that if a child were to get into two colleges, one being more prestigious than the other and all else being equal, he or she should choose the more prestigious college because of the opportunity to rub shoulders with someone who can connect you to an opportunity you he or she might not have elsewhere. This may be true to some extent, such as when a prestigious college name appears on a job resume and makes it stand out from others. But college name recognition only gets you so far. It may get you the job, but ultimately it's your performance in that job that will set the path for success.
Redefining the Purpose of College
See, we reasonable parents already know that we should send our kid off to a school that fits him or her. Some of us may not cave to the peer pressure of humble bragging about our child's acceptance letter to X prestigious, name-brand school. Logically it makes sense to allow our kids to follow their own dreams, and not push our own dreams of them going to a name-brand school that we were unable to get into ourselves. You are a good parent--unlike those who got caught buying their kid's way into universities. Here's the thing: what we should also do as parents is have a frank discussion with our kids the purpose of college and how to make it count, not just obsess over HOW to get into college.
It's not practical to think of college as a playground for young adults to explore their interests and meander their way to a degree. College tuition has skyrocketed making it imperative for kids to go to college with a relatively good idea of the field they'd like to study. Ideally, teens should devote some time to shadowing parents/parent's friends/family friends to learn about their jobs, exposing themselves to as many different types of fields so they can narrow their interests, and asking questions to learn more about what people around them do for a living. Of course, this all involves using cognitive skills from their prefrontal cortex, which is still developing and maturing. How to get kids to plan ahead, show interest in others, ask good questions, show initiative, and feel comfortable interacting with adults are all critical skills to sharpen as they forge their way into adulthood. Finding the time to do this, among all their academic and extracurricular activities, is the biggest challenge.
Engagement is Key
Research shows that it's not which college you get into that matters; it's what you do when you get there that's most important. In the newest white paper entitled "A Fit Over Rankings: Why College Engagement Matters More Than Selectivity" published by the organization Challenge Success, it says,
"The students who benefit the most from college are those who are most engaged in their academics and campus communities, taking advantage of the opportunities and resources their particular institution provides. Engagement is the key."
What does engagement look like? It's creating or getting involved in a club or organization that speaks to your child. Engagement is feeling comfortable participating in class discussions. It's following up with professors after class when something intrigued him or her or pursuing a special project because it was intriguing.
Is College the Right Path?
Bottom line is: Does your child show initiative, confidence, and an intellectual curiosity so that he or she make the most of the opportunities in college? Does your child have aspirations of a career path that requires graduate school? If the answer to these questions is yes, then it doesn't matter too much where your child goes to college so long as they're engaged. Some of the most highly successful CEO's in the country did not attend elite colleges and some didn't even attend college! Don't believe it? Then read Joe Nocera's article "No One Asks the Top CEO's Where They Went to College" that appeared in Bloomberg on March 13.
If the answer is no, then the question changes. Is your child ready for college? Maybe some more growing is required before stepping foot onto a college campus.
Or the question may be, is college the right choice for your child? This may be an unpopular idea but...maybe...wait for it...college isn't for everyone! If financial security is part of your definition of success, you can be highly successful financially as a business owner or a tradesman. Maybe your child would do better going to trade school and learning a trade, or taking free classes online to learn how to code, or getting a job to figure out what he or she does and doesn't like. College is expensive and let's face it, it's possibly a waste of time for those who just have no desire to pursue academic subjects in greater depth. Bridget Phetasy wrote an article that appeared in Spectator USA on March 18 in which she humorously and satirically wrote a valedictorian address to the graduating class of 2019 advising them to "Stop Wasting Your Time on College." Yes, it's over the top and wry with exaggeration. But there is an element of truth to what she says about how there are many ways to get an education.
Before engaging in the rat race of the college application process, I encourage you to talk to your high school kids about college. Use these questions to explore your perspectives, discover each of your priorities, and clarify your path ahead.
Discussion Questions:
1. Parents and teens, what is the purpose of college? Discuss your ideas. Are they the same or different?
2. Teens, what aspects of college are most exciting and what aspects are most nerve-wracking, unappealing and uncomfortable?
3. Teens, what do your grades, coursework, and choice in extracurricular activities reveal about your strengths/weaknesses and interests/passions? Do they reflect what you love? Why or why not? Which of these subjects and activities would you choose to pursue in more depth in college?
4. Teens, are you comfortable approaching your teachers in high school when you have a question, curiosity, concern, or request for additional help? Why or why not? In what circumstances would you feel comfortable or uncomfortable approaching college professors with a question, curiosity, concern, or request for additional help?
5. Teens, what are your expectations after graduating from college? What do you envision for yourself?
6. Parents and teens, how do your values play a part in deciding what you want to do with your life? Teens, do your values factor into your decision about what you envision yourself doing as a career?
7. Parents and teens, what is your idea of success? Do your ideas match? Why or why not? Do your ideas match or differ from what our culture, community, or friends believe to be true?
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