With kids ages 6, 8, and 10, why am I spending so much time and energy learning about the plight of high school students, something that I’ll have to worry about a few years from now?
Life is speeding up
Believe it or not but I already feel like we’re teetering on the precipice of the point of no return. We are enjoying the last shreds of childhood because in a short time it will all disappear as the focus will be entirely on grades, test scores, AP courses, and college acceptances. I am not ready for that.
Don’t want the same experience
Not only am I not ready for this next stage, but I am finding myself legitimately questioning the entire system. If high school students are more stressed, anxious, depressed, disconnected, and burnt out than ever, then why don’t we change things? We need change in our education system AND in our parenting practices. It’s overwhelming but the way I look at it, it’s easiest to start focusing on change within our own household as opposed to pushing for change our education system. It will take some courage to fight the naysayers because they will say 1. that’s the way it is and there’s no use in trying to change it 2. Everybody else is following this path so it must be the right thing to do. Just because something’s been done the same way for a long time doesn’t make it the best way. I’m sure we can all agree that when it comes to our children, there is nothing more important than fighting for what’s best for them.
Staying sane by maintaining perspective
Parenting is hard AF and when I crawl into bed and reflect on what went well and what went no-so-well, I inevitably find myself dwelling on the times when I lost my cool, when I could have been more patient, when I could have parented better. After beating myself up for a bit, I have to forgive myself, hit the pillow for some rest, and try again tomorrow to be a parent better. I may make a zillion mistakes on a daily basis, but what my husband and I need to ask ourselves is, how close did our decisions and actions reflect the values we’ve agreed upon as parents? Our family’s values must be our compass, and they may not necessarily be the same values that society leads us to believe are the most important.
Our future depends on it
In today’s world, more than ever, we parents need to retreat from the idea that good parenting is measured by our children’s academic success. It is shortsighted to measure our children’s success by today’s narrow definition of how many AP classes they take, their GPA or test scores, or which colleges accepted them. The world is pretty messed up. And it needs changing. It will take emerging young adults who have a strong sense of identity, who focus on something larger than themselves, and who feel like their strengths can add to the world in a meaningful way. As Madeline Levine, PhD says in her book Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success, “If our children benefit from a loving relationship with us, a bar set high enough to give them something to reach for, and a sense that they are understood and valued for themselves, then we’ve done the best we can to ensure that grades, schools, and work will fall into place.”
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