Today, I was volunteering in my kids' school library and as I was enjoying my zen time of sticking barcode labels onto new picture books, I struck up a conversation with our school librarian about her older kids. I asked her what they did for summer jobs when they were in high school for no other reason than just pure curiosity. We ended up talking about how her kids spent their summers, how they filled their time in between semesters in college, and how they stumbled their way into their current line of work.
She talked about the personality differences between her three kids: her middle child knew exactly what he wanted to do, her oldest was an underachiever and changed his college major several times before making his final decision, and the third kid, well, she's just figuring it all out.
More than anything, I was fascinated by a story she told about her middle child (we'll call him Scott) who was confident he would be an international policy major, and his path took an unexpected turn. Scott's university offered an inter-term, an opportunity to take a class for six weeks in anything they wanted. Most college students would welcome the chance to take a break, hang out with friends, get a temporary job to earn some spending money or travel. But Scott chose to seize the opportunity and sign up for a genetics course, a class he wouldn't normally be able to take because he had to pack his schedule with requirements for his major.
Call it destiny. Call it luck. Call it chance. But that seemingly trivial decision to take a class just for the fun of it, ended up being a game changer. Scott loved the class so much that he immediately changed his major to biology, graduated, and is now working in a lab in a biotech/pharmaceutical company.
This made me think, there is great value in trying something completely different. Just for the heck of it. For FUN. Do our kids feel like they have the opportunity to do that?
Scott had the opportunity to explore a curiosity of his in college but kids shouldn't have to wait until college to start exploring! When do our high school students get to pursue something that genuinely interests them? Nowadays, teens feel pressured to select the "right" classes and extracurricular activities in order to make their college applications stand out in a crowded college applicant pool. Sadly, for many students, it's a slog and none of it ignites their curiosity or makes them feel alive. Why? Because they are too busy striving for perfection. Perfection in everything they do. They feel pressured to optimize every minute, every choice, every opportunity so that they are moving closer to the "perfect" future envisioned by them, their parents or both.
But trying something completely different is part of the process of discovering who we are. More important than learning any academic concept in school, the primary work of a teen is identity development. If there is no time for exploration, doing something just for fun, or following curiosities, then teens are deprived of their ability to figure out who they are and who they will become.
So, how do we as parents support our teen in identity development? Encourage them to try something new! Here are some ideas for how to make that happen:
1. Attend a class or workshop together...or separately but concurrently. Cooking class, sewing class, guitar lessons, martial arts class, coding class. Whatever it is, offer to do it together! It takes courage to try something completely different. Knowing that someone else is learning it alongside you makes it less scary and bonus: it's a fun way to connect with your teen.
2. Have your teen make a bucket list of things he or she would like to learn about, places he or she would like to visit, or things he or she would like to learn more about before graduation. Pick one thing to tackle from the list every month.
3. Play the "what if" game. Ask your teen, "What if you could design your own class schedule where you could take classes about anything you like. What would it look like?" See what ideas come to mind!
4. Discuss your son or daughter's schedule of classes. Which ones are absolute requirements and which ones does your son or daughter feels she "should" take but are just sucking the life out of them. Talk about what would happen if he or she were to drop that class in the future and replace it with an elective class that piques your teen's curiosity.
As you can see, doing something completely different doesn't have to mean changing the trajectory of your life entirely. It can be more simple like carving out time to dream. Or it can involve reevaluating priorities and moving away from a class schedule in high school that doesn't suit your teen. Whatever step your teen makes now to try new things will be another step closer to figuring out who he or she is.
And THAT is what being a teen is all about.
I'd love to hear your ideas about how to encourage your teen to try something completely different! Feel free to leave me a comment below
Comments